Social Anxiety Forums

freakamidget · Calm Regular Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 179

I find it difficult maintaing friendships, simply because I can't be bothered and prefer being by myself, but at the same time having friends can be fun and stops you from becoming a mentalist. However at the moment I have barely any RL friends, what about everyone else? What is your opinion?

my_blue_veins · Anxious Poster Joined: 29 Dec 2008 Posts: 19

I do have a few friends in real life, and a boyfriend. The few friends I do have, I've known since middle school, so it was easy to kind of ease into friendships with them. We're not extremely close; I don't go out to the mall or anything with them on a regular basis, but it's something. My boyfriend, I met online through an ex-friend, and he lives close (now goes to college still relatively close); we started talking online, then on the phone, then in person, which made the transition into a relationship easier. He tries to help out with my anxiety when I need it. He's always there to talk to when I need to, and he's been helping get used to social situations. My friends don't know about my social anxiety, so they don't really understand why I come up with excuses as to why I can't go out with them, but they still accept it and don't push the issue.

I have a hard time making new friends; right now, I don't have to be around a lot of new people, since I'm still in high school, but I know things will be different when I go to college this fall. I keep telling myself not to worry about making friends there, just to think about keeping up my grades and get used to being around and eating in front of and working with new people.

LostPilgrim · Anxious Poster Joined: 27 Feb 2009 Posts: 14

I do have an RL social life, but it's... complicated. I can't think of anyone I'd identify as a "friend," they're all just acquaintances and/or people I know professionally, with whom I occasionally hang out with socially. Some of these people probably refer to me as a friend, and might even be offended if they found out I think of them as mere acquaintances.

Josh · Posted: Thu March 12, 2009 Post subject:

I have no real friends. Just people I know. People who I am not scared with Those people I would call acquaintances. A friend, to me, is someone who I like being with. There are people I hang out with sometimes but I still prefer being home alone. I think that having real friends is important. If you have bad relationships with your parents, and no real friends, its a recipe for disaster. I believe that I might not have depression if I had people who made me feel like life had a purpose.
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Bravetailor · Assertive Forum Addict Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 319

Most of my "real" friends have moved away or started families. See, in order to keep up with friends you have to have something in common with them. I've remained something of a vagabond since graduating high school, and it's not necessarily something I can talk shop about with my friends who are married and have families.

So right now, no I do not have any friends. Just people I know.

Angie · Posted: Sat March 14, 2009 Post subject:

I can count the number of people I consider friends on one hand. I have hope though, that I'll be able to put myself out there more and change that. Most of the people I still semi-regularly hang out with contact me instead of vice versa. I'm getting better with that though.
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Klassy · Posted: Sun March 15, 2009 Post subject:

Friends? No, I really don't have any and haven't in years - if ever. I pretty much keep to myself and don't go out any longer.

nboocher · Terrified Newbie Joined: 12 Apr 2009 Posts: 3

I don't have any real friends because I prefer to be alone. The whole time I am with someone else outside of my family I hate that feeling of having to make small talk. Like you have to make the day interesting or I start freaking out. Everytime I try and make friends (because I feel like that is what I am supposed to do) I end up blowing them off after a few times out. It is too hard to explain to people what social anxiety is and easier just to not have to.

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BioWolf · Posted: Sat April 18, 2009 Post subject:

only two

but one of the things i've realised is that I'd rather have those two true friends than 1000 fake ones.

fromheretothere · Terrified Newbie Joined: 31 May 2009 Posts: 4

I have 3 good friends who I trust to talk to about things and am comfortable spending time with (for the most part).

Due to my SA, I have a very difficult time meeting new people. Even on the rare occasion I do meet someone new, it's then difficult to really get to know them so either the casual relationship with them dies out or we stay in the acquaintence stage.

The thing about my SA that bothers me the most is it sometimes even affects my relationship with the few friends I do have IRL. Sad

leelee · Terrified Newbie Joined: 24 Jun 2009 Posts: 6

I, also, have difficulty maintaining new relationships and getting close. I haven't made any new friends in years, if not over a decade. Don't get me wrong, I've gone out with people, had boyfriends, spoken with many people. But I find it difficult to keep up the relationships.

I'm inconsistent, I guess, and I have been the type of person to go weeks, sometimes longer, without calling certain members of my family or my one really close friend. I just get anxious, put things off (ie calling people) and have isolated myself in many ways over the years.

I have one real friend, and a fiance, and a mother i speak to regularly. Besides that, it's all acquaintainces,,, or long lost family members..

Pat Payne · Terrified Newbie Joined: 03 Jul 2009 Posts: 2

I have a few good friends, people whom I've grown to learn to trust. However, I am poor at making new friends -- out of a "deer in the headlights" mentality, I tend to freeze up and I fear that I come across as neglectful because I fear getting close to people.

lacunadolphin · Posted: Sun July 05, 2009 Post subject:

I have very few real good friends that actualy put up with my anxiety and know that if they don't hear from me for a few months its not because they have done anything wrong, it is because of me not doing well.

Aleforge · Posted: Thu July 09, 2009 Post subject:

I have a few friends that I have known since grade school. I try to stay in touch but its hard with such different lives. They are all still into the bar scene, and one who I got more connected with ended up getting divorced and is now back to the bachelor life also.

The only positive is I am married and have kids so I am not alone. I actually want to be more social though. I just have such bad anxiety I am miserable in doing so. So its kind of a catch 22 for me.

Fenice · Anxious Poster Joined: 11 Jul 2009 Posts: 23

I have kept company with two women for over a year now. I knew the one from when we were in school but we didn't really like each other back then. The other I only met last year. I do have other friends who I am very close to and have known for over a decade, but they are out of country.
I've always been one to keep a small coterie. I do not like to keep company with larger groups of people. I honestly prefer a small group of people unless I am close to all the people in a larger group. My group of friends in school consisted of seven or eight people including myself.

I am social by nature ( I may be shy with strangers and people whom I do not know well). Therefore I know that it is detrimental that I avoid social interactions with strangers or aquaintances for fear of being rejected or disliked. There were times when I avoided being around people that I like and that seemed to like me because I was afraid that as they got to know me they would find reasons to dislike me and I didn't want to ruin the nice image that they had of me.

My true social, friendly and outspoken nature comes out when I am under the influence of alcohol. I am pretty much myself but without all the anxieties and worries.

Throughout the years, negative experiences, neglect, lack of guidance and verbal abuse have shaped me into an anxious and fearful person.

It hasn't stopped me from marriage and a family though. My child and husband are the best things to ever happen to me. I have always wanted a real family of my own, but now I have to unlearn all the negativity and all the bad habits that I have learned throughout my life so I do not repeat the same mistakes as my parents.