Social Anxiety Forums

Mikey · Terrified Newbie Joined: 22 Apr 2007 Posts: 2 Location: UK

Hi, been a member for a while but haven't been on a ages, sorry bout that :\

I feel like a really need a bit of help. I'm in a pretty shit situation, and the only thing keeping me together is a small group of good friends i've made at uni. The problem is that i'm too stubborn to talk to them heart to heart about it (probably the Irish bit of me), and i'm scared that they'll judge me if i get too close and they'll stop liking me (seems daft, but it's actually happened before). I guess I need to unload on people who can't look me in the eye.

I'm really sorry to come across as I do, i kinda feel like i'm wasting your time wallowing in self-pity, but i'm doing this while my confidence is relatively high, so please bear with me. Got a few problems, and any help at all would be very much appreciated.

Firstly, i'm just coming to the end of my first year at uni, and due to my complete lack of motivation or maybe just laziness and apathy, i have done literally no work, not a single essay or assessment, and i haven't been to any of my exams, because i've already failed the year and there's no point. It's all but certain that i'm not going back next year. My plan is to stay with my uni friends in the house we've rented and work for a living. However, i'm terrified that i won't be able to make the rent, since if i'm not at uni i'll have to pay council tax and won't qualify for a student loan any more. I also hate the idea of dropping out (or more accurately being kicked out) and disappointing my parents who have basically wasted around a thousand pounds keeping me at uni in the first place.

Secondly, I feel extremely lonely and isolated, even with my friends, because, like i said, i feel like i can't share everything with them. I also don't have a girlfriend (never had, and i'm 19, will be 20 this year), and it goes without saying that i've never had any sexual experience. I would give anything to have someone to share my life with. This is hard, as i'm quite an ugly person. This isn't just me being negative: i'm overweight, got limp ginger hair and a podgy, pug face with beady little fish eyes. I really want to loose weight, but for some reason i can never get motivated enough for the effort, and it's never gone beyond doing a few press ups when i wake up in the mid-afternoon.

So my life is pretty shit with very little keeping me afloat at the moment. It got pretty drastic a few months ago, when i spent a night in hospital after getting drunk and overdosing on painkillers, and i feel my friends are only sticking with me becuase i'm a pity case and they don't want my death on their conscience. Sounds extremely cynical, but it's a constant nagging thought at the back of my mind.

Anyway, this has gone on much much longer than i intended. Sorry to have wasted your time reading this. It's pretty pathetic, i know, but some advice, however scathing, would go down really well.

Bravetailor · Calm Regular Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 55

It's unfortunate you bungled up your first year. I didn't bungle up my grades until year 3, which gave me a cushion for error.

That said, my university will sit down and "talk" to you if you finished a year with bad grades. If you can convince them you'll do better next year, they may let you come back.

Take a few months off and then go and see them later in the summer to talk about what you want to do. It seems to me like you would rather stay than to get kicked out and have to work shitty jobs, so I would advise you to come up with a good excuse to explain your poor attendance/grades.

To give you some encouragement, I just recently went back and finished my degree after a year's hiatus. It's not even a degree I LIKE (In fact, my hating it was one of the reasons I dropped out), but I'm still proud I finished it, and I'm officially approved for graduation now.

You're still young so unlike me you might still be able to change programs to something you like.