Social Anxiety Forums

martyshaye · Posted: Wed March 12, 2008 Post subject: Hello

Hello

This is the very first post I have ever made on one of these forums for Social Anxiety for a very good reason.... I have had this for years and have not known what is causing it but just needing to avoid the situations that make me anxious. I am quite dumb and have never seen the link netween beiing absolutely quiet at work or not being able to function in groups of more than three, or even absolute terror at interviews.

Now though it's becoming apparent this is what I have got and loathed as I am to accept it (And risk making it even worse by thinking about it) I do want to do something about it. Talking is going to be the first step.

I am 39 years old, I should be able to cope with life at my age but things are getting worse and worse. I have three kids (From a previous marriage) and have a fairly good experience of life but not of people... All my life I have avoided people and building relationships etc, I never feel confident enough that they're going to last. nevertheless I have managed to build a decent enough life around my family.

Until recently I wasnt aware but it seems that when I am in a group of three people I am most confident... More than that and I start to sweat, I go really quiet, I avoid being brought into conversations and being talked about whilst I am there. Trouble is this comes across as being aloof or not caring for other people etc which is the last thing I am, and usually my caring personality comes through. But now this has now caused one of my colleagues to hold me responsible for team dis-harmony which has made me even worse. He thinks I am the sort who is responsible for the 'so called political correctness in the workplace' where you cant even make jokes about people's hair. ( I was subject of jokes about my hair, which I dont mind, I just didnt want in the middle of an office of 30-40 people, makes shy and feel breathless and heart racing and sweat and feeling sick and then sleepless nights afterwards- fearing the next day) He's now making ever so slight digs at me to other people in our team, so obviously they have been talking about it and me.

I am now at the stage where I just come into work and say less than I listen to, I sit here typing this whilst the rest of my team all get on with each other (They dont exclude me though) keeping my head down under the pretence thaat I am busy.

Next steps are going to be to get a job working on my own or with less people in the office but before I take that drastic step I want to see if there is a way out of all this anxious mess before I 'downgrade' my life.

If anyone else feels the same pleas elet me know cos at the moment I feel so alone in all of this. Hmm, that was quite whingy there!

:wave:

SpaceMonkey · Posted: Wed March 12, 2008 Post subject:

Welcome, martyshaye.

A moving story, indeed. I cannot get my head around how even people with kids can succumb to this problem.

Clearly you're so much more experienced at life than I am, so I am in no place to give advice. =) But let me go out on a limb here and suggest to you that you stick with your job and tough it out. Start educating yourself on these sorta problems, seek professional help, take small constructive steps to overcoming your anxiety. Unless you also happen to hate your job, in which case I strongly suggest working out a way to maturely transition into doing the things you actually wanna do.

I'll end this by saying, NO! you are NOT alone... =)

Spread the love,
SpaceMonkey