The Chimp Paradox.........and beyond

[nork]

It takes a lot of time until the changes start to come

[Rebecca]

It takes a lot of time until the changes start to come

But once changes start to come and you gain a bit of momentum, then further changes become easier and come quicker.

[Willers]

Ive just ordered this book. The Chimp thing I think I already get to some extent. May be a way of looking at things I haven't considered before, reconciling different aspects of yourself this way. It appears that by avoiding as many uncomfortable situations as possible Im pretty much giving into the Chimp in me. Not sure exactly how to solve this but obviously I havent read book yet so will see how it goes. I fascinated by some of the elements of it, like the Chimp needing to fit in with those around him, even if this may be counter productive. The inner chimp tries to assimilate with people that it may not be such a good idea to assimilate with. My "fit in or f off" philosophy seems to be rooted in CHIMPOSOPHY ;)

Its no fun just sitting in front of computer days at a time, but the relief I feel when I come back from going shopping, having gotten stressed out for apparently pointless reasons, is such a massive pay off. It just seems easier to avoid people. Im very interested by what this means with regards to drinking, could this be I want to let the CHIMP run wild and free? Alcohol helps to turn myself off so to speak.

Will definitely be interesting reading anyway! Along with the Richard Dawkins book I bought, various indie dvds, and a new mattress for my bed ;)

[Rebecca]

Hope you enjoy the book Willers. I found it completely eye opening and life changing. It made more sense than any other book that I had read, and I have read loads of the years.

I keep meaning to read the Richard Dawkins book, but I have a list of other books to get through first.

[Rebecca]

Just wanted to update this thread. I think often people wonder if the changes that people make are long term or just a short term fix. So by updating this, people will see the changes that I am continuing to make and how they are long term.

This week has been pretty amazing. Both are choir related. Firstly we were recorded singing for a local news program. I managed to get quite near the front, considering there were 300 of us, so it will be interesting to see if I make it onto the screen! Secondly I had the end of year party. I have always had an issue of eating infront of people, so normally, this would be a challenge.

I managed to breeze through both events. I think the most exciting thing though was the complete lack of worry before hand. Like most SA sufferers, it has been the anticipation of an event that has been so overwhelming. The fact that you can't focus on anything else, that your thoughts are consumed with what might go wrong and the fact that you set up varying coping strategies to deal with anything that happens. This time I had none of those things. I barely thought about the events. When they did cross my mind, all I felt was calmness. I didn't even really feel excitement. In the past, excitement was really more to do with nervous energy. Now I just feel calm and joy. I no longer feel that I am on some massive roller-coaster ride, instead my life feels more stable and calm.

Also, unlike CBT techniques, which seem to take a lot of effort, this has been easy. I don't even really think about it any more. Occasionally, if things start to go wrong, I realise that I have forgotten about my furry friend and so I remember the whole chimp concept and my thoughts calm down again. Literally just thinking "chimp" makes me grounded again. It is not a long drawn out process of dissecting every thought. I really feel a calmness in my life now. It feels weird really, to have spent my life like a rabbit in the headlights, and suddenly all that panic seems to have completely dissolved. I am not saying that I will no longer have challenges in my life, I am sure that I will as everyone does, but I now feel a sense of belief that I can cope. I can actually say that I am starting to feel happy.

[Freddie]

I'm just starting to read this book (I got the audio version too). Would you say that it helps overcome shyness as a personality trait? I'm not looking to become some super social butterfly but I really need to do something to make a positive change in myself and get out of the habit of making excuses to not do things because of potential embarrassment.

[Rebecca]

Hi Freddie.

Hope you are enjoying the book. I also bought the audio version. I always find it helpful to hear someone else's voice giving me inspiration, instead of my own voice in my head, as I read the book myself.

I don't know that I would necessarily say that it changes your personality traits. It wouldn't turn a shy person into the life and soul of the party who wants to be the centre of attention, but it does give you confidence and peace. So instead of being a shy person, making excuses and being embarrassed, you become a confident person who lives very much in the present. So I don't think it is about making an introvert into an extrovert, it is about finding that middle ground. It is about suddenly becoming far more confident in your own skin. I don't think so much about the past or future now, I am far more focused on the present.

Yesterday I went for a major interview. I didn't spend the week worrying about it, the interview itself was a huge success in my eyes, and afterwards I didn't do a post mortem on how well I did. It gave me various things to consider, which is natural, but I didn't spend the afternoon analysing it. This is quite different from the old me, who would have spent the week worrying, panicked during the interview, in case I didn't come across well or said the wrong things, and then worried afterwards, in case I had messed it up. It was odd, as I did battle with my dreams at night during the run up to the interview, when I wasn't so in charge of my chimp. But on waking, I quickly threw those thoughts off and moved on. Last night I slept like a log again, so obviously, even my chimp was happy by then.

I can honestly say that this book has turned my life around. The weird thing with it is, once you have the concept, you don't have to really work at it, like with CBT. With this, it all naturally fell into place for me.

Really hope it works for you too!

[Freddie]

Hi Rebecca,

Thank you so much for replying. Years ago when I used to do cocaine recreationally I always remember the best part of it was not being loud or a motor mouth jabbering away to strangers but the times when I could sit with someone in silence and feel completely at ease rather than feeling I should be saying something. That for me was the essence of confidence and what I'd like to achieve without the aid of drugs or alcohol.

I really like the concept of the book in that it takes the blame away from yourself and places it on the chimp or the instinctive illogical part of the personality. I'm really glad it's working for you, I can only imagine how good it must feel to finally be on the path to loving who you are. Thanks again.

[Rebecca]

but the times when I could sit with someone in silence and feel completely at ease rather than feeling I should be saying something.

It is interested that you said that. I sing in a choir. There used to be a class running before ours, so we had to queue outside and wait. Before reading the book, I used to make a real effort to interact with people. I felt that was what I had to do to beat my SA. I didn't mind doing it, but I felt obliged to take part in all the chit chat that was going on. Once I read the book, I felt differently. Sometimes I would chat with people and at other times I would sit on the floor on my own, almost in a meditative state, taking in all the noise and banter around me and feeling completely at peace.

I really like the concept of the book in that it takes the blame away from yourself and places it on the chimp

Try not to view it so much as blame. Finger pointing really doesn't help anyone. So don't blame yourself or the chimp. Remember your chimp isn't out to get you, it is not trying to make your life hell, it is just being a chimp. So it's isn't about blame, it is more about learning to work with part of your brain that isn't always helping you out.

Always keep your sense of humour when reading the book. I think that is vital. Laugh at your chimps antics, rather than get annoyed about them. I truly believe that the more light hearted approach you take to the book, the better it works. It is always much easier to do something fun, than something that is a slog. So really enjoy learning about your furry friend and what makes him tick.