What Is The Key To Being Noticed?

[SQLQueen0617]

I've struggled with being unpopular my entire life. I remember being bullied and ostracized even as young as 4 years old. I've never been able to understand why. I've always had a very difficult time making friends-from elementary to high, my closest friends were actually some of the cruelest people I dealt with. Whenever I tried to confront them, they said I was being "dramatic" and if I wasn't such an idiot, they wouldn't treat me like they do.

In college, it got a little better, but I've never had close friends like I've wanted. Since then, my social situation has also deteriorated. People never call or text me, or message me in any way. When I post things on Facebook on my wall, they get ignored.

I tried asking someone I've been casual friends with for a couple of years why I'm so unpopular. He says it's because I'm "negative"-that my negative attitude pushes people away. But that doesn't make any sense... people don't notice or like me better even when I'm positive!

It makes even LESS sense, because some of the most popular people I know post REALLY negative statuses. One girl went on a huge rant about Valentine's Day, and about the struggles of getting over her ex-bf.... and she get over 30 comments! EVERYTHING she posts, negative or positive, gets attention. People constantly comment on her pictures and tell her how sexy and fun she is.

It doesn't matter what I post, negative or positive, I still get ignored. If I disappeared tomorrow, no one would even notice.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Am I just doomed to be unpopular? I try to be friendly and kind, and willing to do things for people.... but nobody seeks me out, and if I contact them, I feel like they'll see that I'm needy. What can I do?

[Mighty Desperado]

I'm not really sure. Self-confidence (and in my opinion, looks, but that may just be me being cynical) helps. For me, I think my sense of humor is what has earned me most of my attention. And, admittedly, others that I'm friends with. I'm probably more well-known for being friends with certain people than because of myself.

[Rebecca]

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Am I just doomed to be unpopular? I try to be friendly and kind, and willing to do things for people.... but nobody seeks me out, and if I contact them, I feel like they'll see that I'm needy. What can I do?

I wonder if you are trying too hard? This is a mistake I have made in the past. It wasn't until I made friends with someone, who again tried too hard, that I realised how off putting it can be.

I also think for some odd reason that some people are more accepted in society than others. The problem is that once you are in with the in crowd life is easy, but if your face doesn't fit it is almost impossible to break into the group.

I think when I look back on my life the one thing that I didn't realise at the time was that there were lots of people just like me. The ones on the outside. I was so aware of the popular kids and the groups they formed, that the others just blended in to the background. If I could have my youth again, I would make more effort to get involved with the ones that kept their heads down. I bet they were kinder and nicer people than the outgoing ones that hogged all the limelight.

[allisonn]

Maybe the key here could be to start with some fresh faces rather than trying with the same ol people who aren't being friendly back? :)

[jman]

Just do what feels natural to you. Don't force yourself to try to be a certain way. If you like to spend most of your time by yourself, and if you're quiet around people you don't know, do that. I've accepted the fact that I'm not very charismatic, I don't have a great sense of humor, I don't have that personal magnetism that some people have. That doesn't mean that I can't have friends, because I have at least 4 friends who I go out with on occasion, but it just means that no matter how hard I try, I'm not going to be one of the "cool kids."

Only hang out with people who you naturally get along with and like. You can choose your friends. You can't choose your coworkers, and that's a tough thing, but at least you can choose who you hang out with outside of school. If there's no one who you like and want to hang out with, then try to find someone who you do naturally get along with.

As far as some people being noticed on facebook and you not, and stuff like that, some people have a more commanding and engaging presence than others. It basically comes down to charisma. Some people are really likable and charismatic, and everyone wants to be around them. I think with charisma, you either have it or you don't. But if you're not charismatic, you can still work on expressing your opinions and doing social things, building up your confidence and what not. You just have to work within the parameters of the personality you were given.

[msbxa]

SQLQueen, I don't really get this stuff either. I've tried to communicate with people in the past before over the internet and things just don't seem to work out. I get ignored a lot too, people generally don't respond to me, and I never get calls, emails, messages, etc.
I suspect that maybe people don't respond to you because you are different or they don't understand you. It seems that people in general don't like those who are different, unless those people are famous or rich or influential or something. There are a lot of good qualities about being different and true to yourself, because you are not just some sheep, but unfortunately the mass of people you can't connect with. When your friend says you are "negative", he probably doesn't mean negative in actuality, but negative in that you are different from everyone else, or distant, which isn't really negative and thats what is confusing.
But hey this is just me speculating, I haven't really been "on the ball" in my thoughts in the last couple days and I am currently tired so I could be way off here.