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Shylo
Terrified Newbie
Joined: 30 Mar 2007
Posts: 4
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 Posted: Sat March 31, 2007 Post subject: What is the first step? |
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Reading all the topics on here I can relate to exactly what everyone is saying which is wierd because I thought there was something wrong with me, but it's comforting to know I am not the only one with social anxiety and that it can be fixed.
I was always an extremely shy girl but after being bullied for 3-4years I have crawled so far into my shell that I'm affraid I'll cut myself off from the world all together.
I can never push myself to join in or speak up, than I hate myself for not trying harder.
I want it to stop so badly but I don't know what I can do to help myself, what is the first step and are there anythings I can do to help boost my confidence and self esteem??
Shylo |
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Josh
Site Admin
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 1597
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Sat March 31, 2007 Post subject: |
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Tryin increasing your willingness to suffer. I'm not sure how you're supposed to do that, but that's what Haye's suggests in his book "Get out of your mind and into your life".
| Quote: | SO, WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?
In Hayes's book Get Out of Your Mind & into Your Life, he suggests that we picture our minds as electronic gadgets with dials, like old-fashioned radios. One dial is labeled Emotional Suffering (Hayes actually calls it Discomfort). Naturally, we do everything we can to turn that dial to zero. Some people do this all their lives, without ever noticing that it never works. The hard truth is that we have no ultimate control over our own heartaches.
There's another dial on the unit, but it doesn't look very enticing. This one Hayes calls Willingness, though I think of it as Willingness to Suffer. It's safe to assume that we start life with that dial set at zero, and we rarely see any reason to change it. Increasing our availability to pain, we think, is just a recipe for anguish soufflé.
Since desperately twisting down the Emotional Suffering dial only makes things worse, Hayes suggests that we try something radical: Leave that dial alone—abandon all attempts to skirt unpleasant emotions—and focus completely on turning up our Willingness to Suffer.
Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear. |
http://www.socialanxietyforums.com/articles/avoidance.php
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Hobo
Dirty Mothertrucker
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Posts: 323
Location: Boonies
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| Posted: Sun April 01, 2007 Post subject: |
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I think a first step for some people could be to try getting more comfortable around people you know, like family members. You probably would be more comfortable joining in and expressing yourself more in front of family. So when you are at family gatherings try to start there, and try making a greater effort with them. If it goes okay, then you might start gaining more confidence and can begin working toward harder things.
Different things could help different people. The main thing you have to do is make the effort and try to push yourself as much as possible, but don't start out too fast or in the hardest situations. Start at things that might be easier for you, then once you become a more comfortable, work your way to harder things. |
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hiddenflower
Terrified Newbie
Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 4
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| Posted: Sun April 01, 2007 Post subject: |
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| I've heard that a lot of selftalk helps. Like tapes by Shad Helmstetter. I tried it a long time ago, but life got in the way and I forgot about them. |
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justagirl
Terrified Newbie
Joined: 30 Mar 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Thu April 05, 2007 Post subject: |
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| The thing that really helped me, besides admitting that I needed help, was cognitive behavioral therapy. It helped me to start examining my thought process and question the feelings I was having |
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Josh
Site Admin
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 1597
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Thu April 05, 2007 Post subject: |
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| Justagirl could you please explain it with more detail? I think it will help others to know more about it. |
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