This article was written by SAF member "SickJoke". (Note: Viewpoints of SAF members are not necessarily supported by the Admin.) Post your comments to this article here.



SA is always a result of past experience. There is a belief behind every fear. The fear is actually the result of beliefs. Observation and feedback throughout our lives led us to develop the irrational, negative beliefs that constitute SA.

For example, a newborn baby has no fear of fire until he's been conditioned to fear it. The ONLY fear that human beings are born with is a fear of loud noises. Every single other fear is the result of conditioning based on beliefs. Teach a baby that fire is dangerous and he'll believe it (or he'll touch it and see for himself). The same goes for social phobia/social anxiety. The difference is that social phobia is an irrational fear; fear of fire is rational. You could train a baby (or a child or an adult) to fear anything under the right circumstances.

SA is a series of negative beliefs that need to be changed in order for total recovery. Some fears that cause SA: fear of being judged, ridiculed, rejected, devalued, etc. as a result of socializing. That fear is the result of painful memories which have driven into the subconscious and formed the belief that socializing leads to pain, which makes socializing scary.

It's never impossible to overcome SA, but the longer we've lived with it the more "stuck in our ways" we might seem. The longer we live with a belief, the truer it becomes for us, because we have more memories linked to it, supporting it. It might take longer; it all depends on how willing we are to change our beliefs. Medication can mask the symptoms, but as long as those beliefs still exist, SA will find a way rear its ugly head.

With social anxiety, it's EASY to play the victim. It's easy to pity yourself. It's easy to blame past experiences, genetics, your family, your friends, and so on. It's easy to say that things are hopeless. It's easy to give up.

Not only is all of the above easy to do, but it FEELS GOOD in some sick way. It feels good because it's a DRUG. When you start to pity yourself, your brain releases chemicals that make you feel depressed, sad, frustrated, etc. You can actually become ADDICTED to those chemicals, those emotions. It's almost no different than physically taking a syringe and shooting a drug into your bloodstream. Either way, your brain responds by releasing chemicals that you've become addicted to. When you pity yourself, it's the same as the HEROIN addict sticking the needle in his arm.

Ask yourself, do you TRULY want to change? Or do you want to continue to wallow in your own pity, to FEED your emotional addiction, to be no better than the heroin addict? As long as you continue to play the victim, you WILL NOT CHANGE. It's time to take responsibility for yourself, for YOUR life, because no one else will: not your parents, not your friends, not your spouse, not some idealistic girlfriend, not your therapist. Only YOU can decide when you're ready to change. Hopefully the answer is NOW.

It is sick and wrong to be putting yourself through this self-destructive cycle. It's NOT the only way! You CAN win the fight against anxiety! Self-pity is both the by-product and partially the cause. It's a vicious cycle that you can stop. You can replace those thoughts of self-pity with thoughts of self-improvement. Instead of getting depressed by your lack of progress, you can get excited about the progress that you ARE making.

Become addicted to SELF-IMPROVEMENT, not self-defeat. Be your own BEST FRIEND, not worst enemy. STOP playing the double role of the sadist and the masochist. PUSH yourself, ENCOURAGE yourself, be PATIENT with yourself, LOVE yourself. Next time you stick the emotional needle in your arm, make sure it's an EMPOWERING emotion.

CBT can be a huge help, but in the end, only we can change our own beliefs. We can train ourselves to recognize when we're thinking negatively/irrationally. As soon as we catch ourselves, we can focus on something else: our breathing, a song, a positive thought, anything except that negative thought. We can get better at this and start noticing negative thoughts immediately and cutting them off. The better we get, those negative thoughts will start happening less and less.