People who have some sort of anxiety disorder likely use experiential avoidance as a coping strategy. However experiential avoidance isn't going to work in the long term.

For example, think of someone who has a snake phobia. His friends are all planning to visit the zoo, and this person is afraid to go with them. He is terrified they'll want to go to the snake exhibit and that he won't be able to handle being there. Although he wants to spend time with his friends and he would love to see the other animals at the zoo, ultimately, he finds an excuse not to go. Now, try to imagine what it's like to be this person and answer the following questions by circling one of the answers on the right.

1. What does he probably feel immediately after finding an excuse not to go with his friends?
   Relieved or Anxious
   
   
2. Will avoiding the zoo (experiential avoidance) be more or less likely the next time?
   More or Less
   
3. Will his phobia become stronger or weaker?
   Stronger or Weaker
   
   

Isn't it clear what the answers are? How could they be otherwise? Your own situation is analogous to this person's experience. Every time you engage in a behavior specifically designed to avoid some negative personal pain, you start the same set of reactions outlined in the questions above. You are likely to feel an immediate sense of relief from not having to deal witll the painful thought, feeling, or bodily sensation. The sense of relief you gain reinforces your desire to use the same strategy the next time you are faced with the possibility of having to cope with your pain. Yet, each time you do this, you actually give the paillful content, that is, your painful thought, feeling, or bodily sensation, more power.

Consider the possibility, as unlikely as it may seem, that it's not just that these avoidance strategies haven't worked -- it's that they can't work. Avoidance only strengthens the importance and the role of whatever you are avoiding -- in other words, when you avoid dealing with your problem, it only grows.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO?
In Hayes's book Get Out of Your Mind & into Your Life, he suggests that we picture our minds as electronic gadgets with dials, like old-fashioned radios. One dial is labeled Emotional Suffering (Hayes actually calls it Discomfort). Naturally, we do everything we can to turn that dial to zero. Some people do this all their lives, without ever noticing that it never works. The hard truth is that we have no ultimate control over our own heartaches.

There's another dial on the unit, but it doesn't look very enticing. This one Hayes calls Willingness, though I think of it as Willingness to Suffer. It's safe to assume that we start life with that dial set at zero, and we rarely see any reason to change it. Increasing our availability to pain, we think, is just a recipe for anguish soufflé.

Since desperately twisting down the Emotional Suffering dial only makes things worse, Hayes suggests that we try something radical: Leave that dial alone—abandon all attempts to skirt unpleasant emotions—and focus completely on turning up our Willingness to Suffer.

Once we're willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear. Where we used to think about what was "safe," we now become interested in doing what seems right or fun or meaningful or ripe with possibilities. Ask yourself this: What would I do if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain? Think of at least three answers (though 30 would be great and 300 even better).